"so if somebody is going to fake it, that somebody is going to be you."

Today has been a bit of a weird day. I'm going through a lot of different emotions lately. It's been a lot harder to control my feelings lately. I really hate when I can't control my feelings. For some reason I have this constant need to always be in control of myself. I do fairly well at controlling myself, but on those rare occasions where I can't, I'm really a mess. But that's ok. I'm not perfect, and as long as I don't hurt anyone or effect anyone in a negative way then it's ok. So assuming, and hoping, this really doesn't get out too much I'll tell you what has been going on.

So medium sized story made into a really short story. I liked this guy, didn't really know what was going on, found out last night that he has a girlfriend. So in an attempt to not feel the pain I went running, almost cried but didn't. If it's one thing I don't let myself do, it's cry. As soon as I was about to shed I tear, I realized how foolish it was. The truth is, I'm taking all of it fairly well for one main reason; I want him to be happy. I did tell him I wanted him to be happy and I really meant it. The only bad part about it now is how foolish I feel. I'm just not the type of person to go after someone else's boyfriend. Actually "go after" is really not the right words for it, I more like shy away from them. So yes I feel really foolish and bad about it. Sorry 'girl", truly. But I do hope I can still make an attempt to become friends with him.

Other than that, there's a lot going on this week at school, homework-wise. I need to just make it through the next 3 weeks in an attempt to still get good enough grades to keep my scholarships. It's hard though, I've been trying my hardest and yet I can't seem to get the perfect grades. Which is really frustrating. The teachers her do grade hard, a lot of them don't give out too many A's, and from high school I'm really used to those A's, but not anymore!

So my promise to myself from now until my birthday, is to focus on school and myself. Even though school will be over in a few weeks. So I'm going to attempt to lose 7 lbs by the time I'm 19. I've been losing about a pound a week, though it only has been 3 weeks. I've been exercising for years, and I'm actually pretty strong, and I eat really well but my body hates losing weight. I really just want to be happy with myself. For the most part I enjoy who I am, so I would like to enjoy what I look like as well. I'm really hard on myself though, probably too hard on myself.

So that's pretty much it for now. Might blog again later about something random.